Everything was done, so you would come.
Yours Truly.








Layout: vehemency
Icon: reruntherace
Monday, June 28, 2010, 5:13 PM
One step, one day.






Amazing uh?
There are so many more that I wanna upload here, but due to time constraint I can't.
But these are enough to express everything that I want to say below.

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Dear journal,

You know what?
For the past 2-3 weeks or so, I've been feeling different. Somehow, somewhat. No, not in a bad way. I feel that I've found myself again, my real self. Like how I really was in upper sec.

I don't know if it's because all the pain has numbed me, or whatsoever. I don't wish to see everything in a bad light anymore. I don't care what others think of me, because I know for sure that I ain't guilty of anything &I've a clear conscience.

People can judge me for all I care, because they don't know me and they definitely don't understand me at all. No, I won't hate them and I'm not trying to be a hypocrite here. Afterall, a friend is obviously better than an enemy.

I'm contented that my girls have always been there for me. Plus the rest of my friends who have always been my strong pillars of support in school. Just a simple smile when walking past, and I know that it's really nice to have a friend like them : )

Because at least they bother to, and they care.

Happy is definitely an understatement. To describe how I feel after finding myself back once again. Yes, I enjoy being happy everyday. C'mon, who doesn't yeah? But what makes me even happier is that my friends are there to share the joy with me.

When anyone of them is feeling down, I'll always try my best to improve their mood a lil'. I want everyone around me to be happy too : )

So I guess that I've learnt to take things in my stride and live to the fullest every, single, day. Running away from my problems by drowning in alcohol wouldn't help, at all. It would only numb me for awhile, and then the pain will return twice as much. Not including the hangovers.

I really wanna know how you're doing right now. Is everything in your life going smoothly for you? I know that as time passes by, even if I still think and care about you, you may not reciprocate. I've never regretted doing all those for you.


Because feelings fade, and people change.

Whatever it is, I'll not kick you outta my life. You were once part of it, and you'll always be. A piece of my memories : ) I'm gonna leave out all the bad experiences, and what's left would only be the most awesome of all.




Tuesday, June 8, 2010, 7:19 PM
Would you stay, if I'd asked you to?

(JK's not in the above picture.)

The 5 of us haven't been hanging out together for quite sometime already. Although I see F every week for tuition, HJ &JK for church and JS in college.
More than 11 years, and still counting.
Although we don't really tell every single thing to one another, I don't have to hide my true self from them &that's the whole point.
I'm certain that our friendship will last, till eternity I hope.





A zillion apologies to Ms Liu.
I know I've let her down terribly, when I received my Chemistry results early this morning.
Numbed with overwhelming disappointment, I couldn't bring myself to face her. I looked at her direction &tears started to well up but I held back. To me, she's a really good teacher and friend. When I fell really sick and was running a high fever a few weeks back, she texted me to ask if I was alright.
Furthermore, since we both hit it off quite well, I feel even worse.
I promise myself that I will work really hard during these June holidays &make improvement for Chemistry. I want her to be proud of me.







Yes, I want a pup/dog. Real badly.
"Dogs are Man's best friend."





I did not choose this time to blog about everything.
It's just that, everything has been bottling up inside of me for quite sometime &I'm having mixed feelings right now.

Sad.
Disappointed.
Heartbroken.
Angry.
Drained out.

I wanna let you know.
That I will only be unhappy because of YOU.
Just you, and you alone.

Nothing else can make me feel so upset and bitter, not even my fucked up results.
That particular day, I told you exactly how I felt.
And that was the FIRST time ever in my 17+ years that I've done such a thing to a guy.
Indeed, it took me alot of courage before I could manage it.

"Standing by and waiting at your back door, all this time, how could you not know?"

I really wanna give you a call now, to talk about everything under the sun.
I miz talking to you about random stupid stuff.
Your texts never fail to light up my face with a foolish grin all the time : )
Little did I know that it was all over.



Everyday, I wake up and take a look at my phone, wishing that your name would appear.
But each time, my hopes come crashing down again and again.
I'm getting tired of waiting, but no I won't give up just yet. This is how much I believe in you, that someday you would turn back and look at me.

"Every single hour of every single day,
I miss you more and more.
Don’t know what to say,
I know I closed the door.
You’re gone and on your way,
but now I need you, I need you…"


"Wanna take it back to the day when we first met.
If I could, I'd start all over again.
Our love is my regret."


"Should have known then, what I know now,
Dying every second that you’re not around.
Should have been there, when you needed me,
Now I’m by myself, on my bended knees.
Should have loved you, while I had the chance to,
Couldn’t realize that you were the truth.
Should have shown you, what you meant to me,
Baby now I see, that you were my queen king."

-Banky


Would you please give me another chance, to make things right?
If not, I wouldn't have gone through so much trouble just to find out more about you.

"Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks,
I will be right here waiting for you."




Saturday, May 22, 2010, 12:30 AM
Makes me wonder.

This entire post is dedicated to you so you should be honoured. : )

I've so much to say but I don't wanna put all the details down here so hope you'll be smart enough to tell yeah. I'd very much wanted to tweet about everything but I don't think you're worth me spamming my friends' timeline.

Sometimes although I don't wanna hear certain things, others would unknowingly tell me about it. I keep telling myself that I won't bother about your life happenings anymore but still...I don't know why there's that particular urge in me that keeps wanting to know more instead.

It's hurting me every single moment but I still wanna know. Why?
Because I care.

Yes, I've been trying my very best to put down everything and let it go. But do you know how hard it is for me, especially when I'm such an emotional person? &You jolly well know that. Took me more than 2 years to forget about someone and I thought you would be so much easier after all that I've went through in the past. But apparently, that doesn't seem to be the case uh.

Those 3 words that I said to you last night, I was serious about it. No doubt I sounded harsh, but I wanted to make it rather obvious to you. To let you realize that whatever you were saying hurt me real bad. Unfortunately, you didn't get it. I already had trouble finding my notes, yet you still had to add fuel to the fire. You're the last person that I want to make fun of me.

When I found out about that whole damn thing, I laughed out loud. Real loudly till I couldn't control myself. But I realized that the more I laughed, the more painful it got on the inside.

I was actually crying.

But obviously I had to make it sound as if it was something funny. I believed every single word you told me last time. "You're not ready for this kinda thing right now...And both of us have our priorities now." Those words came right from you. At least you sounded sincere enough to make me believe in you. But what's happened now? You yourself know it best.

You broke my trust in you once. I forgave you. And now. . . . . . .
Tell me please, if I should trust you once again.

That day I was really happy because I thought I was finally over you and I'd succeeded. I could talk to you face to face without feeling awkward at all. But it seems like I was absolutely wrong after last night.

Why did I feel that tinge of heartbreak when I found out about it? I don't understand.

Honestly, I'll feel genuinely happy for you if the girl you like has a good character/good-looking.
Perhaps love is blind so I guess that's the reason for your choice. I know I've no right to judge or criticise that's why I didn't tell you anything. I just don't want you to get hurt in the end.